Enjoying Sex Without an Orgasm: Men and Women are Different

 brief-crossing

It’s sometimes hard for men to understand because in truth men are orgasm centered. Many men will tell you otherwise, but I’ve discovered this reality with my husband as an unfortunate example.

And yes, before I go on I realize there are always exceptions.

My husband has always enjoyed everything connected with lovemaking and actually was highly sought out by other women in our swinging days because of this. He was an absolute expert in the art of love. Any woman that went to bed with him was going to get a lot of touching, hugging, kissing, fondling, intercourse, and a wonderful cuddle at the end.

In truth, he was actually quite tame in comparison to what other swinger couples might do for sexual enjoyment. He didn’t like the strange positions, threesomes, being watched, or anything beyond basic sex.  However, during our days as swingers, we still pretty much did it all.  Nevertheless, at the end of the day what we both preferred was quiet, relaxed lovemaking with each other and with other partners.

Eventually,my husband decided to stop being something that he wasn’t and just go for the relaxed sex when we were with other couples.  Soon, he found that women were very much attracted to this style of lovemaking because it was so intimate and gave the women a deeper satisfaction that they normally didn’t get during  couple swaps.

However, once my husband became ill with diabetes, it slowly wreaked havoc on his life and body and we had to stop swinging. Eventually, it left him pretty much impotent as the ability to have erections, and we began having less and less sex until now it’s almost non-existent.

He can still feel sexually excited (minus an erection) and actually enjoys listening to me in bed with other men. He has at times used a strap on dildo to “give it to me good,” but his heart just isn’t in it. Though I enjoy it because it means I get to have my husband on top of me and moving between my legs for a change, I can tell that he is doing it only for my pleasure and not his.  The last time we did this was towards the end of last year.

These days we really don’t pretend any longer and know that our days of having sex is over. It hurts me at times as I would love to just get into bed with my husband, the man that I love, and have a smooching session with him without intercourse.  But without the ability to have an erection, he won’t do it with me.

It has shown me the truth that as much as a man might enjoy all aspects of lovemaking, at the end, a man needs intercourse/orgasms to keep him interested in having sex in the long run.

Yes, I’ve had many men tell me that it wouldn’t matter to them and they would still enjoy the lovemaking process if they couldn’t get erections. That might be true for a small amount of you reading this, but in reality, it’s just not going to happen.

On the other hand, I don’t need an orgasm at all when I make love.  I’ve always enjoyed the lovemaking process more than having an orgasm. If given a choice of an orgasm or some serious kissing, touching, hugging, feeling him inside of me, and the cuddle at the end, I would chose the latter every time.

Now, that’s not to say I don’t want an orgasm; I look at them as the cherry on top of an already wonderful ice cream dessert.

_____________________________-

Photo Credit:  Film:  Brief Crossing.  2001.   Director:  Catherine Breillat

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One thought on “Enjoying Sex Without an Orgasm: Men and Women are Different

  1. They way that you describe your husband’s preference for soft, gentle love-making is exactly what my husband gives to me; He can turn it up and give me hard, fast pounding with many positions, but what he prefers is to give me attention and tenderness. Touching and exploring. He always makes eye contact (unless he’s behind me or we’re engaged in mutual oral pleasuring). He is a sweet and tender man who has a very large and athletic body. One of my girlfriends asked me if Paul was aggressive and highly physical in bed. Upon her clarification, I realized that she was curious how I could handle a man who dwarfed me, physically. Paul has a substantial size with his penis, too but he isn’t huge. He penetrates me quite deeply enough to cause pain if he were to get carried away but this man is so aware of me and so attentive that there is such deep love and passion with each penetrative stroke inside of me.

    I am sorry that your husband has lost so much of his ability and desire for intimacy with you. It breaks my heart to read that you both have lost that beautiful connection. What a giving man you have that he wants for you to feel the physical side of intimacy in the absence of his abilities to give it to you himself. I hope and pray for his health and for you both.

    Like

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