My Quest for Deep Sexual Intimacy


The two most intimate moments for me during intercourse is when the man first enters me, and later during his orgasm.  There is something about looking into a man’s eyes, especially during the moment of his climax, which allows me to see into the window of his soul.  It’s as if for only a moment I can see the real person in those few seconds when he is most vulnerable.  This is because sex has a way of lowering one’s defensive shields and allowing the other person to get closer than normally would be allowed.  This intimacy, for no better word, is what I seek and yearn for these days and is the main purpose of having sex as I get older.

But it wasn’t always like this for me.  When I was younger, I didn’t concern myself as much with such things since I was looking for something entirely different when it came to sex.  What I wanted then, especially during my swinging days, was the excitement and the thrill of being with another man other than my husband.  I sought fast, furious, and intensive sex ending with a mind-blowing orgasm for myself and the satisfaction of knowing that I was attractive to other men.

As I got older, my taste in sex changed and by the time I reached my mid-forties, I realized that what I was beginning to yearn for more as the luster of orgasm driven sex was losing its appeal to me.  What I wanted was a deeper intimacy that what I was getting in these encounters with other men.  It was at this point that my husband and I changed the way that we sought swinging partners.  What I’d always disliked was the party scene and the fast nature of the type of the type of sex involved in such encounters.  What I wanted was something slower and more relaxed, which is how we got into double dating with other swingers for non-sexual fun.  Then at the end of the night, we would return to either our home or theirs, swap partners, and enjoy some much need and slower paced sex in the privacy of a darkened bedroom without prying eyes.

These sorts of encounters allowed me to enjoy much longer foreplay rather than quick and furious sex that I was used to.  I found that with a more relaxing atmosphere and without the time constraints, I was really able to enjoy the longer foreplay to a much greater level than before.  I found that I was yearning for slow, sensuous kissing, erotic touching, and general light touching of my entire body more than quick and intensive sex.  Moreover, I found that even during those encounters when I didn’t orgasm, I still left the bed deeply satisfied as if I’d had several mind-bending orgasms.

When I realized that when things slowed down, I  enjoyed the act of intercourse far more than I did before.  I never realized how much I enjoyed the feeling of a penis moving between my legs, because before I only was concerned with achieving an orgasm.  It was sort of like walking slowly through the country and enjoying the beautify surroundings rather than taking a car and speeding through the sights to get to your destination (orgasms).  Once I separated the orgasm from intercourse, I found that I was enjoying the physical joining of my body with another human being far more than I had before where it was just a means to an end.  Yes, I still wanted to climax, but it wasn’t the focus of the entire sex act, rather it was more intercourse centered where I found I could achieve a deeper intimacy than ever before.

So today, now that I’m in my mid-fifties, I so much more enjoy the slow walk to arrive at my orgasm than I did before where speed was everything.

What I want now is to take time and relax during sex.  I want that slow foreplay, the brushing of  my cheek with his finger, kissing me lightly on the lips, and suckling my breasts gently.  I then want him to slowly mount me and letting me guide his penis tip to my entrance and planting him there.  I will then lay back and enjoy the feeling of first penetration with it’s strange mixture of pain and pleasure as he slides deep inside of me while looking into his eyes.  And once we are physically joined together, I just want to feel him moving steadily between my legs at a steady pace for as long as possible.

When he is ready to come, I again want to look deeply into his eyes during the final moments before his release and then see his soul opening up to me while he is filling my belly with his sperm.    Hopefully, I will have orgasmed just before this, but whether or not I do, it’s now secondary to the intimacy that I’ve just experienced with this man.

Then, when he is done, if he takes me into his arms and holds me tightly in an after coitus hug, that will be the cherry on the top for me.

True intimacy.


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